This article was submitted by Andrei Pomana, a PhD student in the Faculty of Engineering and the Built Environment.


 

A common habit for academic primates is to rise from their nesting place, be perfectly erect and ready for knowledge hunting by sunrise. However, the youngest and uninitiated have not yet mastered this skill and linger in the depth of their sweet 16 morning routine far longer than they should. If you are one of the latter, here are 5 steps to get your superior mammal ass out of bed by 8am every single day:
[jump to 5 if you’re an impatient ass]

 

Step 1: Appreciate your ass

You bust your ass every day in academic and professional tasks and sometimes it’s hard to even remember that you possess that wonderful body part. But take a minute to look in the mirror… it’s there and it’s beautiful. Why else do you think you got accepted at this Uni? Obviously not because you’re a wise ass… LMAO

 

Step 2: Treat your ass with respect

Sit your ass on nice, clean and cosy surfaces.

 

Step 3: Don’t be a lazy ass

Success comes to those who are determined to strategically kick ass every single day. So take the time to come up with good plan that will cover your ass in any unexpected situation.

 

Step 4: Don’t be a smart ass

… or be one, I don’t give a rat’s ass

 

Step 5: Right… waking up on time
  • Make sure your flatmate is not a loud ass.
  • Take your ass to bed early.
  • Don’t use your phone or laptop 15 min before bed time.
  • Put your hard ass alarm clock away from the bed.
  • Be a bad ass and NEVER click snooze.
  • Get your ass in gear by taking a cold ass shower.

 

Listen, reader… I ain’t blowing smoke up your ass. If you follow all these simple steps, you only risk becoming an academic bad ass in no time.

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